Y (for Youman)

A small planet, somewhere in the Universe. Those living there are obsessed by one single thing : to dig, to dig and to dig some more. What for ? Until when ? Until the disaster to come, maybe... A Zombie-free-Vampire-free-and-almost-Sex-free-crazy-short-Satire !

Aliens' Black Book

samedi 18 octobre 2014

South east

Publié par D.Tellier à 04:16

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YOUMANES

"Youmanes have four limbs.

Two arms welded on each side of the body, under the eyes. And two legs which they use as little as possible.

In the old days, Youmanes spent much time running after their food. As they eat other animals also provided with legs, they had to run as fast as their preys, and they often ended the day on an empty stomach.

But today, Youmanes enclose the animals they intend to eat in boxes and they wait for them to have babies. They do not have to run anymore.

Youmanes are fond of boxes.

Inner Center

HOUARE

Most Youmanes believe that they were created by a superior Being. They call Him George.

In fact, George has several names. Depending on the place where they live on their little planet, Youmanes call Him George or not. But everyone agrees that there is only one George, and that He controlls everything on the planet, and even far beyond…

Houare is a kind of cruel game in which all team players must kill those of the opposite team.

Playing Houare must start by finding any valid excuse. For example, on team says:

"George isn't called George. His real name is Lallah"

That's enough to turn the other team wild. This is called declaring Houare. Every Youmane who feels concerned with that quarrel of names, but also every Youmane who has no opinion on the true name of George and is able to use a shovel is compelled to go to the playground. Then, each player has to use his showel as a weapon. He can club the opponent with the handle or cut him down with the blade."

Mongry Coast

LOF

When Youmanes grow up, their spirit falls under the rule of a complex phenomenon called Lof.

Lof is both a pleasure and a pain. It attracts young Youmanes one toward the other, even when deprived of any shovel. During this period of his life, a Youmane pays great attention to his hair. When he wants to attract someone else, he generally uses Peat-Fume, a mixture of fine and rare pebbles which releases a good smell of fresh soil. He may also paint the edges of his mouth in blue or the claws of his feet in green. He may offer bunches of Fakers, a very fragile plant that dies when it is cut. He may lift heavy lead shovel over his head during hours so that his arms look like juicy sausages.

West

THE DIRT

Moreover, by means of digging, Youmanes are facing another kind of problem: they don't know what to do with all the dirt they have already dug out.

In the begining, it was not really a problem. They dug one hole, then they put the dirt farther on, into another hole. The dirt from the second hole ended up into a third one, and so on. But it was meaningless.

So, little by little, Youmanes got into the habit of throwing their dirt into the Attentive Ocean.

Soon, they found that the water became muddy and could not be used any longer. Thus they began to throw dirt as high as possible in their sky. But dirt always fell down somewhere in dust, and those who received it upon their head were not happy.

Summer Hill

The ebook

The full text is available for purchase on the Amazon site, click on the image:

Amazon.com

$ 0.99

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D.Tellier: D. Tellier was born in 1963 at the château de Versailles during a visit organised by the Labour Catholic Association of Pas-de-Calais. The author first thought he would become a fisherman, an Australian, an astronaut or a lobster. But fate had other projects. He eventually becomes an anthropologist and a vegetarian. In 1991, he discovers a copy of Mao Zedong's "Little Red Book" on a bus in Beijing. Despite a small advertisement in the Washington Post, no one comes to claim it. The author decides to become a Swedish citizen and to practise gym tonic.

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